Sry I called you an 8
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
