i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
