How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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