I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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