He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
