theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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