If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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