it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
