Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
