Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
