do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
