We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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