He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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