Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
