Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
