Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
