Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
