I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
