this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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