I'm jealous of your bromance
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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