Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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