im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
