hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
