I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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