my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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