if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
