the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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