I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
