I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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