finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
