I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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