So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
