All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
