The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
