Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
