Cold hands, warm shart.
i barfeds in our rink
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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