Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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