I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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