The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Come on in and take your pants off
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