i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Randomize
