just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
