Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
