I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
