i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
