he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
