i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
