Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
