I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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