Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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