i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
